Bransyn's First Birthday!

Okay, I'm finally getting around to posting about B's first birthday! (:


It didn't start out so well, but over all it was a pretty great day!

At about 1 in the morning, he woke up crying & I was still out of it so I just put him in bed with me. About half an hour after he fell asleep, I woke up to put him back in his crib. Well, I usually sleep with the TV on. . . but that night I didn't cause Ryan was there & he can't sleep with it on. So when I go to put him back in his crib, I couldn't see & whacked his head on the side of it :( I felt HORRIBLE, & even worse when I realized it was a lovely way to start his birthday :(
He was fine, it pretty much just woke him up more then anything. So he was awake for over an hour, just messing around in my bed. Of course I let him, cause I felt so bad! haha, I even let him play with my phone, which I usually don't cause he slobbers on it. But I didn't want him to be mad at me ;)
Anyways, so when we woke up in the morning. . . we went out in the living room & grandma was feeding Camden his breakfast. So B was just hanging out with them while I made him some special birthday muffins (: Well, while I was making those, grandma fed him half of Camden's breakfast! haha, so by the time i was done with the muffins, he was not even hungry anymore & didn't wanna eat it :(
After that, we just hung out & played a lot during the day! All day I kept thinking about what I was doing at THAT exact time last year (at whatever time it was) & just kept thinking about the day I met my boy for the first time! I seriously could not believe that it had already been a year. Ahhh, but I'm proud to say. . . I did not cry once! I really thought I would. But instead I just kept thinking about how amazing this past year has been watching him grow up, and how it should make me happy & not sad that he's not a teensy baby anymore! I love watching him grow (:
At about 4pm, I had a few things I had to get. So we went to the party store & I got him a little first birthday ribbon for him to wear! (: Then we went to the mall with Ryan & Ashlyn for a while, cause we had to wait until 7 to go to dinner. Just killing time ;) He even got a yummy birthday pretzel!
Finally it was time for dinner! We planned to go to Pirate Island Pizza & invite our immediate families. So he had all of his Grandparents there, Ash & Riley, Manda, Bryce & Camden! (although Bryce hadn't been feeling well that day, so he had to leave about half way through!) Ryan's sister had to work, so her & her husband couldn't make it! Let me just say, this place is SO fun & cool! I'm so glad that I chose it. It was all decked out in the pirate-y theme! It was way cute! & their food is really good, too! So we had dinner, Bransyn got to open one of his presents from his grandma -- I was totally gonna bring one for him, too, but I forgot! Ah -- & the restaurant staff even came to sing to him & gave him an ice cream sundae! (which he LOVED!) After all that, we took him over to play in the arcade & play area. He had so much fun! the play area wasn't very big, but he had a blast! We learned that he loves going down slides, haha! He played Skiiball, whack-a-somethin ( I can't remember what animal it was! haha), got to do this punching thing, & raced a car with mama! We had a blast & I cannot wait to take him back there! The 3 of us plan on going there for family dinners more often (:
It was pretty late by the time we got home (well, for him!) so he had fallen asleep in the car. But when I took him in, he woke right up & was ready to play! haha. So we waited for Ryan to get there so that he could open a few of his presents from us on his actual birthday. He was more interested in the paper then anything, haha. But he got a ball popper, an outfit & a 'Lightening McQueen' car! He didn't care too much about the outfit, surprise surprise. He just wanted the toys! Or should I say the ball popper box?! He kept lifting it up to move it. He got a big kick outta that! After that, we took a few family pictures then put our little one year old to bed! (:
It was a really fun day celebrating his first year of life -- well, part 1 of celebrating his life!

If you wanna see pictures from his day, check out my facebook!

Thankful.

Things I am thankful for this year:


i get woken up between 7-8 everyday, even when i feel like i could sleep for days
i change 3+ poopy diapers a day
(& about 5 wet ones)
i say 'NO' about 8 million times a day
i get worn out by chasing a little boy around all day
i get to hear someone yelling at me when i do something he doesn't like
i get to hear someone scream like he's getting his arm cut off when i take something away that he's not supposed to have
i feel like i could rip my hair out at least once a day
i get the best kisses ever
i smile even when i am sad/mad/frustrated just by looking at one little face
i get to act like a crazy person just so that he will smile/laugh
i get to wake up to the best thing in the world everyday
i get watch someone grow & learn new things
i feel like my life has meaning
i know how it feels to love with my whole heart
i know how it feel my heart ache when i see someone else cry for the littlest thing
i get to be a mommy
i love everything that comes along with being one
the good, the bad & the messy
i am so thankful for my healthy son
& the ability to have children
i am so fortunate to have this amazing gift

this is, hands down, the thing i am most thankful for & always will be


-ryan
we have been through a whole lot in the 2 1/2 years, but i am glad that i still have him in my life
he is such a good dad & helps me get through a lot of things
i am thankful that we love & care for each other so much that we were willing to give this one more try, not just for us - but for our son as well

-my mom
she has been there for me through everything & has helped me so much throughout my life. she is amazing with my son & loves him so much. i couldn't ask for a better mom

-my sisters
we have had our 'ups & downs' but i am glad that i have them

-ryan's family
they have supported me through everything & have always treated me like a part of their family. they are all amazing with Bransyn & i'm so glad that he will get to grow up close to his grandparents & aunt

-my whole family (both sides)
i'm glad that i have such a big & caring family that i can always count on

-my house
it's not the biggest or nicest place, & it gets pretty messy sometimes. . . but i am so thankful that i actually have a warm house to come home to. Even if it is not my own, at least there is a roof over mine & my sons head

-my car
the gigantic payment is a pain in the ass, but it is safe & reliable so i feel good about having my son in it

-my job
i don't make tons & tons of money with this job, but i am glad i have it. i love that i can have Bransyn with me while i help with bills & expenses. its also nice that the kids are really good most of the time. it's only 5 1/2 hours a day, so by the time i'm done i still have most of my day

-food
i am very lucky that we get to eat everyday. its very sad that that is not possible for some people

-my health
i am fortunate to not have many health problems & that i can live a healthy life

-the ability to see, hear, talk & walk
i don't know what i'd do if i couldn't ever see or hear my child. i truely am blessed that i am able to do all of these things


God.
for giving me this life
& all things in it
the reason i get to be thankful for every single one of the things i listed
i go through hard times, but in the long run. . . i really do have a great life
i am thankful to have my faith in Him



i have so many things to be thankful for, that it would take forever to list.
so those are just to name a few.
But really, I am thankful for everything i have.
for the things i am able to do.
for the life i am able to live.



& i am thankful for you (:


I hope everything had a great Thanksgiving!

B's 12 month appointment!

Bransyn has his 12 month well-check yesterday!
Here are his stats:

Weight:
Birth - 7lbs 5 oz
12 months -18lbs 11 oz
Difference in a year = 11 lbs 6oz
He is in the 3rd percentile for weight.


Height:
Birth -19in
12 months - 29in
Difference in a year = 10in
He is in the 28th percentile for height.


Head
Birth - I *think* 14in
12 Months - 18.3in
Difference in a year = 4in (approx)
He is in the 54th percentile for head circumference.


So he's still a small one, but she said that he is healthy & doing well! I am definitely surprised by how small he still is, because Ryan was a big boy when he was a baby. Everyone thought Bransyn would be the same way! I guess he just got the cheeks from Ry, & my small body type (as a baby!) She said that I could give him some high calorie foods (ex. avacado, butter, sour cream, ect.) if I wanted to, to make him gain a little bit. So we're gonna try giving him a little more calories. Not to make him huge, just to help him gain a little bit of weight.
She also said that his hydro-seal is completely gone now, as it was supposed to be by one year! So I can stop worrying about that now! No surgery for this boy!(: I talked to her about his coughing, that has been going on for over a month now. When I took him in for his ear infection a few weeks ago, he only saw the nurse practitioner. She said that his continuous coughing could be a sign of asthma and to talk about it at his one year. So I told Dr. Smith about that & she said that it could very well be a possibility, and the fact that Ryan & his dad both have it, takes it up 25%. Also the fact that he has eczema can be an indicator, as well. She didn't want to just assume that it is asthma though, so she gave me a prescription for an anti-inflamitory to give him for 4 days (started it yesterday). So if in 4 days he's still not getting better, I need to call back & see what else needs to be done. Cross your fingers that it is NOT asthma, we definitely don't want that! He got three shots ( I was told they get a TON at 1 year, so I was happy about only 3!) He did really good with them! I gave him a little sucker to suck on while he got them, so it would kind of distract him & it definitely worked. She poked the first one, & he didn't do anything, then the next came in the same leg & he cried a little. But did not scream! & he was done before she even poked the next leg with the last one. Then he cried for about 3 seconds on that one too. And no crying for mama, this time! hahah. I was about to when he first started crying, cause it's just SO hard to see your child in pain. But then he stopped! (:

So our big boy is doing well! Even though he is small in size
:D

We have also decided to do extended rear facing, so even if he was big enough to flip his car seat around (1yr & 20lbs) we wouldn't be. I haven't decided on when we are going to flip him yet, but I definitely want him to stay rear facing longer for his safety! I would much rather have him have a broken leg, then a broken neck or spine. His legs still aren't even touching the seat yet, though. So we're good for a while longer!

12 Month update!

Here's what our little man has been up to this past month!

• He is in LOVE with trucks & cars! (Just like daddy) Whenever he see's one, he says 'brummm!' We also ask him, 'What does daddy's truck say?!' or 'Do you wanna go for a ride in the car/truck?' & he'll say brummm -- although sometimes it sounds like bummmm cause he forgets the R. haha. He does it with his little toy cars, & even to big tractors he see's outside! Even if he hears a loud car, he'll start doing it over & over & overrrrr!

• We tell him to say no & he shakes his head no. We tell him to say yes & he shakes his head yes! It is SO cute.

• He points up to the fan & moves his arms in a circular motion. He even 'sings' along with me when I say 'Round & round & rouuuuunnnnnnd'

•He LOVES taking showers! He thinks it is the coolest thing. He'll just stand there screaming in excitement, look up at where the water's coming out & show off for us! haha. Ryan even tought him how to pull the thing that turns the shower on up, & put it back down to turn it off. He's only done it a few times, but he's learning (:

• He DANCES! Yayyy! He just started doing this recently, but it's just the 'bend the knees bounce' haha, but it is adorable!

• He says : ball, brum, duh=duck, bah'oh or ba ba=bottle, dadaaaaa, mom. Whenever I tell him 'Caca' (you know, like when something's gross? I have NO idea how to spell it haha!) He'll say 'tahhtuh' in a little whisper! (: I know there's a few more, but I can't think of them at the moment! He's not much of a REAL word talker, yet. But he jabbers ALL the time! Ryan swears that he did say 'lets go' the other day though, when he was telling him 'lets go into the living room & see mama!' after his bath. His parents also swear that he said Grandpa. Both of which I haven't heard yet, but hoping he really did ;) He's also tried to say apple, but that comes out like 'pappo' hahah. He points to a banana & says 'BUH!' when he wants one. But that's really about it, for now. I always heard boys are pretty slow on talking, so hopefully that's true & he's not just behind on saying more words! :| eeek, we're working on it!

• He is obsessed with going over to the pantry where the dogs food & water is, and dumping out the whole bowl of water.

• When he's getting into something that he's not supposed to,(dog food, plants, ect.) we'll point & shake our fingers at it & say 'no no no!' So now whenever he is caught getting into something he is not supposed to, he will back up & start shaking his finger at it!

• He also backs up when he has something that he's not supposed to & he see's us looking at him. He thinks that if he puts it behind his back & backs up, we won't know that he has it! hahah It is SO funny!

• He's STILL obsessed with cellphones. He will take ours & put it up to his ear & say his version of hello. Except he holds the phone backwards, haha ;) He also likes to hold the phone up to our ears so that we can talk! OH, and he loves talking to daddy when he calls. (or me if daddy has him & I call)

• His Halloween costume definitely suited him well! He is such a monkey, he climbes on E V E R Y T H I N G ! He tries to climb up the gate that is blocking off the toy room. I've caught him trying to get up onto the table, I've got him ON the table. Before I put his swing away, he would climb into that. He's gotten into his high chair a few times. He can now climb onto the couch all by himself, but he used to move a box next to it so that he could climb on that & then get onto the couch. Smart cookie!

• He loves when me or Ryan tell him 'I'm gonna get you. . .' and he'll run down the hall laughing his head off. Then when he gets to the end, he'll turn around & run towards us with his arms out & give us a big 'ol hug! (:

• He blows kisses & says 'mmmmwahhhh!' or 'bowww' (means blow) He also GIVES kisses! Ah, and boy are they the best kisses ever! Super slobbery, but I could not WAIT until he started giving kisses. So I was super excited when I finally asked him to give mommy kisses & he did! And when he gets started, he just keeps goiiiinnnng! such a sweet boy! (:

• He is now completely off of formula! YAYYY! I stopped giving it to him a few days before his birthday. I wanted to have him switched to whole milk by then, so I started giving it to him in sippy cups about a week after he turned 11 months. But he was not having it. So I said I was only gonna buy 2 more things of formula, 2 weeks before his birthday. Well, I ended up only having to buy one cause I would mix half milk, half formula, then 4 oz milk & 2 oz formula, & then just allll milk & he was fine! Except he still won't part with that dang bottle :/ He is down to only 2 bottles a day, though. 1 when he wakes up at about 6 am & the next right before his 4pm nap. Hopefully within the next few months he will be completely weaned from the bottle, but I don't see it happening any time soon! It's funny, cause for 6 months he completely refused to even take a bottle! But I'm just glad he's off of formula, at least. I'd much rather him have whole milk. Although, it does suck having to pay almost $5 for half a gallon of organic milk a week. I guess it beats the $14 a week for formula, though!

• He's still eating really good -- most of the time. I think he's going through a phase where he will chew up some of his food, then spit it out. It's not everytime, but if he has like 2 different things on his tray, lets say mashed potatoes & shredded chicken since that's what we had the other night. Well if he prefers the tatoes. . . he will eat all of those first, then move onto his chicken. He'll put it in his mouth & realize it's not what he watned, so he'll just spit it back out. asjdkfl;! Little stink bug!

Our boy sure is growing up quick! (:

One Whole Year

Can you believe it, our little man is ONE!
I sure can't! It seems like just a few months ago I was holding him for the first time. It's so crazy how much he has grown & learned in this first year! I never thought being a mommy could be THIS amazing. There's been some hard times, but I wouldn't trade any of it for anything! I can get through anything with him by my side. Having Bransyn was the absolute BEST thing that could of ever happened to me. I know I'm still young, but I can't imagine not having him until later in life. I have never felt a greater love for another person. The love a mother has for her child. . . is SO indescribable! I think every woman should get to experience it! (Well, as long as they can take care of their child. . . you know?) This one little boy has changed my life in SO many ways. He makes me want to be a better person everyday. I feel SO blessed that I was given the opportunity to be his mommy. To teach him things, to watch him grow. I could not have asked for a better child & I can't imagine not having him in my life. He has helped me in so many ways, and I am so thankful for that.
He is my hero.
My world.
My life.


"I gave him life, he gave me a reason to live"





Happy First Birthday, My sweet boy!
I can't wait to celebrate many, many more.


I love you more then you will ever know♥

First visit to the ER.

(Birthday & 12 month updates will be up soon. . . i promise! Just getting this post out of the way!)


We had a GREAT ending to Bransyn's first birthday party. . . not.
Here's the story(for those of you that weren't there) :

Towards the end of that party, he threw up a few times. We didn't know why, just thought maybe he had too much sugar from the cake. So we went & got him into the bath to wash him. Then when I was dressing him, I noticed he had a red rash lookin' thing allll over his body. So I decided that we would see if we could maybe take him into his pediatricians after hours clinic, or the Insta Care. Well, shortly after he started coughing really bad. So we gave him some water. Then I noticed the red 'rash' had developed some hive-like bumps. I told Ryan that we needed to take him to his Dr right away, but then my mom told me they weren't open until 6pm & it was only just after 5pm. So I told him we would just go wait so that we could get in right away. Well then he started getting really restless, he wouldn't stop moving while I was holding him, he kept squirming like he wanted to get down, but he didn't want to get down.. He was itching all over. The rash & hives were getting worse & his eyes were all red & puffy. Then I heard him kind of wheezing & sounding like he was having trouble breathing. That was it, I was not about to wait around for the walk in clinic to open, when my 12 month old child was having trouble breathing. I was SO scared his throat was gonna swell closed. So I told Ryan we were going straight to the ER. So I went & grabbed some keys & went to run outside to the car. But he was wearing short sleeves with no socks, so everyone was telling me to get him a jacket & hat. So I ran to find his diaper bag cause it had his beanie in it, then someone handed me a blanked & I was out the door. Then I realized the keys I had were not mine. So I got B into his car seat & ran inside to find my keys. Then I was right back outside, telling everyone to get out of my car we were leaving. Bransyn was NOT acting like himself at all. It was so scary. He kept squirming in his car seat & crying/screaming (he never does that anymore). And he wouldn't even calm down for his favorite light up ball. I tried singing 'You are my sunshine' to him, (cause that is our song & he LOVES when I sing it to him. . . he used to fall asleep to me singing. He always calms down when I sing that to him) That kind of helped for a second, but he was still whimpering & scratching at his head a lot. I kept telling Ryan to go faster, I didn't care if there were cops. Then when people would 'block' us in (you know, where on a 2 lane road there's a car right next to you & right in front of you in the same lane. & even though you're riding the persons ass, they still don't move! SO annoying! This happened TWICE) So as soon as the cars in front got far enough that he had barely enough room to get in front of the cars beside us, he just went through! It was kinda freaky, but I did NOT want to watch my baby having to fight to breath. That was the longest car ride of my life. I think my heart was in my stomach the entire time & I only took my eyes off of Bransyn long enough to see why we were going so slow. So we finally get to the hospital & Ryan dropped me off in front so that I could run B in. I told them what was wrong, & when I pulled down his shirt to show the check-in lady the red rash, there was even more & it was like BRIGHT red now. Then Ryan got in there after parking the car, she gave us both masks (that we HAD to wear until we were out of the hospital completely) & got us back to triage. Then another nurse came back to do all the registration & check his vitals & everything. They put one of these on him, but for infants/toddlers, they have them that go on their toes. And also one of those cuff things to check his blood pressure. He was NOT happy with that at all, so it kept saying his HR was over 200 BPM!!! When I looked at that, I could not even get the words out to ask why it was so high before she told me that it wasn't right. He wasn't holding still enough for it to register correctly, so it was showing wayyyy higher then it should of. But he never did stop moving enough, so I don't think they ever got his vitals back there. By this time, he wasn't wheezing very much anymore & seemed like he wasn't in as much pain/itchiness, so she gave him a 3 on uncomfortable-ness, on a scale of 1-10. Then she told us that since he was so little, he probably wouldn't keep a hospital bracelet on, so one of us had to wear it & go with him EVERYWHERE. I volunteered to wear it, I didn't wanna leave his side! After that, we had to go wait in the waiting room for a minute. Then when the nurse came out to get us to take him back to be seen, they told us only ONE of us could go back with him because of all the flu stuff! Seriously?! that's crap. (especially since not even 5 minutes earlier we saw a couple walk out with their baby, so obviously they were both back there with him!) So since I was wearing the band, I got to go back with him. When we got to a room, they put another toe pulse oximeter on him, but taped it so that it would stay in place, & he didn't even notice it was there. I went over a few things with the nurse, & then after waiting a few minutes for the dr, with a VERY stinky boy & no diapers might I add, he came in & checked him out. B wasn't wheezing at all at this point & the Dr listened to his lungs & said they sounded perfect. He said that the problem might of been coming from a little higher up in his airways. But he was pretty sure that he just had an allergic reaction to something. He also said that he might have asthma (which we already knew was a possibility because of what we talked about at the dr when I took him in about 2 weeks ago) & that could of played a part in his wheezing & difficulty breathing. So anyways, they don't know what the reaction was too, & said 90% of the time they can't tell, so they just gave him some benadryl & a steroid to open his airways more in case it happened again. Then we were good to go! Before we even got out of the hospital parking lot, he was back to his normal little cute & silly self! He was talking, squealing, laughing & playing. He even kept taking my hand & whacking it against his face, hahah. Then he kept saying 'bruuuummmmm' cause we were in the car (: We had to go get some food & get his prescriptions filled, & the whole time he was just being so silly. Which was the BESTTTT! I am SO glad he is okay & nothing worse happened. I have never been so scared in my life! But what a way to end his first birthday party, eh?!
Hopefully next year it goes a bit smoother, haha.

I wish I had some pictures to show how red he was & all the nasty hives. Buttttt, taking pictures of him like that was the lassst thing on my mind. I, obviously, did not have my camera since I was running out the door & almost forgot my purse. Then I left my phone in the car cause I practically jumped out! So nothin' to show from his first trip to the ER, except for this:


& no, that is not his SSN on there (:

Definitely hope we don't have to go back there anytime soon! (or at ALL. haha, but that's probably near impossible, ya know, having a BOY & all!)

WOW -

Only FIVE days left!
Can you believe that if Bransyn would of actually come out on or BEFORE his due date, he would already be one?! So crazy. I guess now I'm glad he was a week late. . . gives me a week longer to prepare myself for my BABY turning one! (: hahaha

Special Jammies.

Everyone mom wants to keep certain items from when their child was a baby, right?
Whether it's the outfit they came home from the hospital in, their little booties, hospital hat, just a favorite outfit, ect. You get the point, right?

I'll admit, I will be keeping a TON of Bransyn's baby things.
All of which I just mentioned above, & then some.
But there is one particular item that means more to me then any other.

This is it :

I love the little giraffes ;)

I didn't choose this one just because it's cute.
It's not what he came home from the hospital in.
It's not the first thing that I ever bought for him.
It looks like just another pair of regular infant pj's, right?

Well, there's a story behind the reason I bought these.
The reason they means so much to me.

You might not even understand my reasoning, but I do.
It might not mean much to anyone else, but to me. . . it does.
(:

Here's the story :
June 26th, 2008.
I was just over 20 weeks pregnant with Bransyn. I was at my grandpa's house in Salt Lake, had just gotten there the night before after coming back from our family reunion in Idaho.
The day before, I went to BabiesRus to blow the rest of my birthday money on baby stuff. I had about $100 left over, so I was planning on going shopping again that day. As I was getting ready, I got a phone call.
It was my doctor's office.
They had called me to give the results of my '20 week ultra-sound' (even though I had it done at 18 weeks, 4 days) that I had done a week & a half before.
I didn't even know that you were supposed to get 'results' for an U/S.
Was she calling to tell me the gender of my child?! We already knew!
We were expecting a healthy baby boy!
What more was there to tell?
I honestly had NO idea what she was calling me for, or what kind of 'results' to expect.

The lady started to tell me something about the skin on the back of my sons neck being thicker then it should be.
OKAY. . .He has a fat neck! So what?

Then she proceeded to tell me that sometimes that can be an indicator of a Chromosomal Abnormality

Just the sound of the word Abnormality while talking about my son, made my heart sink lower then my feet & my whole body feel numb.
It was so hard to pay attention to everything else she was telling me.
But somehow I managed to hear a little bit more.
She told me that when this particular indicator is found, it usually points towards Down Syndrome, or one of the other Trisomies -- which some of those are fatal & most children born with them won't live longer than 12 months, or worst case scenario, long after birth.
That's all I remember from that phone call.
I know that I talked to her for a few more minutes. We even scheduled another appointment for a more detailed ultra sound & some blood work. But I don't remember it at all. After what she just told me. . . there was no way I could even comprehend what else she was telling me.
It felt like my heart was breaking into a million pieces.
Did someone SERIOUSLY just tell me that there was something wrong with MY child?!
That was the one & only time it literally felt like I was in a horrible nightmare & couldn't wait to wake up.
After I hung up the phone, it took me a minute to realize that what I had just heard was real.
I just started crying & ran upstairs to my mom & told her what I remembered.
She kept asking me questions & the only answer I could give her was 'I don't know!'
Because I didn't. The only thing I could remember, was her telling me there was something wrong with my baby.
So she called my dr's office back & talked to the lady that I had just gotten off the phone with & explained what was going on.
It seemed my mom was on the phone for an eternity, waiting to find out what we needed to do.
When she finally got off the phone. . . she explained to me that there was just a chance that there was a 'problem' with my baby.
That a lot of the time when something like that is found, it's nothing.
But they need to do some more testing to find out for sure.
She told me to not stress or worry about it, until we found out for sure.

Okay, if you're a mother, you will understand why I could not just brush this off.
Someone tells you there is a chance something is wrong with your baby, your not gonna push it to the back of your mind & not think about it.

It's gonna make you sick worrying about it.

I know she was just trying to make me feel better, but my own mom saying that to me?!
It's her very first grandchild, & she's not even a little bit concerned about this?!
(I know NOW that she was, but at the time I couldn't understand why she was telling me to not stress it.)

The whole time I was getting ready, I couldn't think about anything else.
I kept thinking 'How am I gonna tell Ryan? Do I call him now? Tell him via text? Or wait until we get home tonight & tell him in person?!'

Then I remembered that I was about to go shopping for our baby.
Should I still go shopping for a child that might not live very long?
I can't even explain the feeling I had after that thought.
I instantly felt horrible for even letting that thought come across my brain.
Then, somehow, I still felt the need to shop that day, for my unborn baby boy.
No matter what I just heard could be wrong with him.

So I had my mom take me to Target.
That's where I found those pajama's.
I thought they were SO cute, so I decided to get them.
So I grabbed a 6-9 month.
I didn't think anything about it at the time, but now I know why I got a bigger size, when I was obsessed with the teensy newborn sizes.
Even though I was so worried about what the outcome would be, deep down I just knew my son was going to be okay. Somehow, I knew that he would live to wear those bigger sizes.
I also knew that no matter what the results were, I would choose to not terminate my pregnancy. That was NEVER an option. I was going to give him any chance of life that God would allow.
If my son was diagnosed with Down Syndrome, there was no way I would love him any less than if he was a 'normal' child.
He was still my baby & I already loved him more then anything else in the world, no matter what.
He was still so perfect to me & I still felt so blessed to be his mommy.

Like I said before, this might not make sense to any one else that reads this.
This is the first thing I bought after finding out such devastating news.
It kinda tells how much faith I still had that my baby was gonna be okay.
And how much I loved him.
♥

THAT is why I will be keeping these specific pajama's.
(:


That's the end of the story behind the pj's. . .but obviously I have to finish the rest of the WHOLE story :

I went in for a more detailed U/S at a place called Maternal & Fetal Medicine & saw a Perinatologist
on July 1. I got the U/S & the Peri found the 'Thickened Nuchal Fold' (aka the thick neck skin) that was found in the first ultra sound. He said that it wasn't TOO extreme. . . but still enough to be concerned about. His skin was, I believe, just over 6mm & it's supposed to be only 4 or 5mm? I don't remember. But anyways, then he told us that he also found dilated kidneys (where there's fluid in the kidneys) & darkened bowels (Just as it sounds, they were showing up darker colored then they should of) Which all 3 together, is an indicator of Downs. Even though I knew I would still love him regardless, this was heartbreaking news.
On the bright side, his heart looked PERFECT. Which is a very good sign!
The Peri strongly suggested that I get the triple screen blood test, that we had chosen to not get done when it was offered earlier in my pregnancy. He also gave us the option to get an Amniocentesis. That would tell us for sure if something was wrong with Bransyn, & exactly what it was. He informed us that with the amnio, there is around a 1/300 chance that a miscarriage could take place.
After the word miscarriage came out of his mouth, I knew right away that I would not be getting the amnio. It was just not worth the risk to me!
So I got the blood tests done. It took a LONG time to get those results back.
But when I did get them, I was able to relax a little more.
I was told that they were 'in normal limits'
Ha, I'm sure you're thinking exactly what I was.
WHAT THE HECK DOES THAT MEAN?!
She told me 'It means your good ;)'
So those did come back clear. But those aren't 100% accurate.
So I had to continue going into M&FM every few months to see if anything was changing.
Over time, the skin on his neck remained the same. Which was good, I guess. The fluid in his kidneys was decreasing, which was FANTASTIC. Even though it was just little bits. Bowels were still darkened.
The only way for us to know for sure, was to wait until birth.
21 weeks from the time we 'found out' until the time he was born.
That is a LONG time to wait for something like that.

Funny thing is, after waiting that long. . .I didn't think about it once while I was in labor.
I didn't think about it once when he was in my arms for the first time.
I wasn't looking for 'signs' of Down Syndrome.
I wasn't asking Dr. Lunt if he could tell or not.
I was so totally head-over-heals in love with my baby, I wasn't worried anymore.
All I cared about was that he was in safely in my arms, checking out his mommy & everything going on around him.
I knew he was perfect from the second I saw him, even before I knew that he does not have down syndrome or anything else they were worried about.
And I will always remember this one thing that one of my nurses said to me as she was checking him out, moments after his birth. Maybe she says it to all of the patients, but I do believe it is very true.

"You must have done something very right in your life, to get a baby this perfect"

Birthday Prep Update!

Everything with Bransyn's birthday planning/prep is going SO well!
I am very happy about this.
I am usually so bad at putting things off til last minute, but I made sure I got everything done ahead of time so that I don't have to rush & forget things or not have it turn out the way I'd like!
& it feels so good to be so prepared! (:
(I think I'll try it more ;) haha)

Here's everything that's done so far :
• I got his banners made last weekend. (one for inside the house & one for outside the front door for guests to see as they arrive!)
• ALL gifts are purchased & wrapped.
• I ordered a custom made bib (for him to wear during his cake smash) online & it got here today. I am SO pleased with the way it turned out & super happy I found the website to do this! Plus, it goes along with his theme great ;)
• Decorations, plates, cups, ect. are all purchased, all I need is to find some dang bright green balloons! I cannot for the life of me, find them A N Y W H E R E ! SUPER annoying.
• I got everything for the gift/party favor bags & got them all set up last night!
• I bought everything to make his cakes & cupcakes.
• I got his '1 year' pictures taken, so I can set them up to display around the house.
(I'll put those up in a separate post)

There are a few things that still need to be done, but can't until a few days before!

I think I have spent more money on this party, then I have spent on myself in the past 3 years.
SERIOUSLY, it's insane!
But ALLL worth it, for my baby boy (:

I'm finally getting SO excited for his birthday & party!
Even though I'm still so sad he's already gonna be one. :(

Anyways, I hope everything goes well on that day! Can't wait to celebrate with everyone.

♥

Halloween!

Well, Bransyn has officially experienced every single holiday!
No more firsts for us! :(

I have to say, He was the cutest monkey I have ever seen in my life!

Here are some pictures from his very first Halloween!

I took him to have a little costume photo shoot, but as you can probably tell. . . he didn't cooperate too well! There were 2 cats there, & he was wayyy more interested in them then Mommy taking his pictures!
So, as you can see. . . he's not paying attention in either of these & He stood up about .2 seconds after I took the picture to go chase after those dang cats!
I think we need to put his costume back on & re-do this photo shoot, cat free!

Mr. Monkey boy all ready to go get some candy!

I love this picture! He soo looks like a little impatient kid, saying 'MOM, can we pleaaaase go get some candy now?!' That is what I think of every time I look at it. & I'm sure this isn't the last picture I will get like this ;)

& off he went!

He went trunk-or-treating with his grandpa at a church by his house. Some people were giving kittens away there, so that's what he's looking at in this picture!

Then he tried to steal some random kid's balloon! haha.

Grandma gave him a glow stick to wear so that 'no cars would hit him' hahah, she's craaazy ;)

Everyone at the church was in complete awe over him! They could not get over how cute of a monkey he was! I don't think we passed one person that wasn't goin crazy over him!

After the trunk-or-treat, we took him around our neighborhood!

He's a pro already ;)

Checkin' out his candy after we got home!

He was pretty much obsessed with the suckers! He thought it was pretty cool he could hold the stick & have it in his mouth. Although, I'm sure the wrapper didn't taste too good!

B & his Grandma goin through his candy!

Bucket head!

See what I mean about the suckers?! haha

Had to get a picture of me & my monk, even though I look like crap.
I had a hard day! haha.


Hope everyone had a Happy Halloween! (:

My Little Artist!

On Friday, we went out to eat with some of Ryan's friends at Applebee's. Well, Mr. B was not behaving his best, so I decided to let him color on the kiddy menu with the crayons they brought to the table.
Here is his VERY first work of art ever!

Obviously, I want to keep the very first picture my son ever colored. So I will be keeping this one, even though it is an Applebee's menu! haha.

Today, I decided to let him color again. I wanted another picture to keep from one of his first times coloring, that didn't have anything else on it! Here are some pictures! (:

Showing Grammy his crayons! (:

Havin' a taste of crayon.
It was funny, every time he would put a crayon in his mouth, we would say 'EWWW, yucky!' & make the cu-cu 'cccuuhhhh' sound. (I do NOT know how to type that! haha)
And he would take the crayon out & makin that sound as well!

Workin' hard!

He wouldn't hold still for long to get a picture next to his picture, he wanted to go play. so this is the only one we got! haha

Got a little on the table. ;)

Such an artist already.