Everyone mom wants to keep certain items from when their child was a baby, right?
Whether it's the outfit they came home from the hospital in, their little booties, hospital hat, just a favorite outfit, ect. You get the point, right?
I'll admit, I will be keeping a TON of Bransyn's baby things.
All of which I just mentioned above, & then some.
But there is one particular item that means more to me then any other.
This is it :
I love the little giraffes ;)
I didn't choose this one just because it's cute.
It's not what he came home from the hospital in.
It's not the first thing that I ever bought for him.
It looks like just another pair of regular infant pj's, right?
Well, there's a story behind the reason I bought these.
The reason they means so much to me.
You might not even understand my reasoning, but I do.
It might not mean much to anyone else, but to me. . . it does.
(:
Here's the story :
June 26th, 2008.
I was just over 20 weeks pregnant with Bransyn. I was at my grandpa's house in Salt Lake, had just gotten there the night before after coming back from our family reunion in Idaho.
The day before, I went to BabiesRus to blow the rest of my birthday money on baby stuff. I had about $100 left over, so I was planning on going shopping again that day. As I was getting ready, I got a phone call.
It was my doctor's office.
They had called me to give the results of my '20 week ultra-sound' (even though I had it done at 18 weeks, 4 days) that I had done a week & a half before.
I didn't even know that you were supposed to get 'results' for an U/S.
Was she calling to tell me the gender of my child?! We already knew!
We were expecting a healthy baby boy!
What more was there to tell?
I honestly had NO idea what she was calling me for, or what kind of 'results' to expect.
The lady started to tell me something about the skin on the back of my sons neck being thicker then it should be.
OKAY. . .He has a fat neck! So what?
Then she proceeded to tell me that sometimes that can be an indicator of a Chromosomal Abnormality
Just the sound of the word Abnormality while talking about my son, made my heart sink lower then my feet & my whole body feel numb.
It was so hard to pay attention to everything else she was telling me.
But somehow I managed to hear a little bit more.
She told me that when this particular indicator is found, it usually points towards Down Syndrome, or one of the other Trisomies -- which some of those are fatal & most children born with them won't live longer than 12 months, or worst case scenario, long after birth.
That's all I remember from that phone call.
I know that I talked to her for a few more minutes. We even scheduled another appointment for a more detailed ultra sound & some blood work. But I don't remember it at all. After what she just told me. . . there was no way I could even comprehend what else she was telling me.
It felt like my heart was breaking into a million pieces.
Did someone SERIOUSLY just tell me that there was something wrong with MY child?!
That was the one & only time it literally felt like I was in a horrible nightmare & couldn't wait to wake up.
After I hung up the phone, it took me a minute to realize that what I had just heard was real.
I just started crying & ran upstairs to my mom & told her what I remembered.
She kept asking me questions & the only answer I could give her was 'I don't know!'
Because I didn't. The only thing I could remember, was her telling me there was something wrong with my baby.
So she called my dr's office back & talked to the lady that I had just gotten off the phone with & explained what was going on.
It seemed my mom was on the phone for an eternity, waiting to find out what we needed to do.
When she finally got off the phone. . . she explained to me that there was just a chance that there was a 'problem' with my baby.
That a lot of the time when something like that is found, it's nothing.
But they need to do some more testing to find out for sure.
She told me to not stress or worry about it, until we found out for sure.
Okay, if you're a mother, you will understand why I could not just brush this off.
Someone tells you there is a chance something is wrong with your baby, your not gonna push it to the back of your mind & not think about it.
It's gonna make you sick worrying about it.
I know she was just trying to make me feel better, but my own mom saying that to me?!
It's her very first grandchild, & she's not even a little bit concerned about this?!
(I know NOW that she was, but at the time I couldn't understand why she was telling me to not stress it.)
The whole time I was getting ready, I couldn't think about anything else.
I kept thinking 'How am I gonna tell Ryan? Do I call him now? Tell him via text? Or wait until we get home tonight & tell him in person?!'
Then I remembered that I was about to go shopping for our baby.
Should I still go shopping for a child that might not live very long?
I can't even explain the feeling I had after that thought.
I instantly felt horrible for even letting that thought come across my brain.
Then, somehow, I still felt the need to shop that day, for my unborn baby boy.
No matter what I just heard could be wrong with him.
So I had my mom take me to Target.
That's where I found those pajama's.
I thought they were SO cute, so I decided to get them.
So I grabbed a 6-9 month.
I didn't think anything about it at the time, but now I know why I got a bigger size, when I was obsessed with the teensy newborn sizes.
Even though I was so worried about what the outcome would be, deep down I just knew my son was going to be okay. Somehow, I knew that he would live to wear those bigger sizes.
I also knew that no matter what the results were, I would choose to not terminate my pregnancy. That was NEVER an option. I was going to give him any chance of life that God would allow.
If my son was diagnosed with Down Syndrome, there was no way I would love him any less than if he was a 'normal' child.
He was still my baby & I already loved him more then anything else in the world, no matter what.
He was still so perfect to me & I still felt so blessed to be his mommy.
Like I said before, this might not make sense to any one else that reads this.
This is the first thing I bought after finding out such devastating news.
It kinda tells how much faith I still had that my baby was gonna be okay.
And how much I loved him.
♥
THAT is why I will be keeping these specific pajama's.
(:
That's the end of the story behind the pj's. . .but obviously I have to finish the rest of the WHOLE story :
I went in for a more detailed U/S at a place called Maternal & Fetal Medicine & saw a Perinatologist
on July 1. I got the U/S & the Peri found the 'Thickened Nuchal Fold' (aka the thick neck skin) that was found in the first ultra sound. He said that it wasn't TOO extreme. . . but still enough to be concerned about. His skin was, I believe, just over 6mm & it's supposed to be only 4 or 5mm? I don't remember. But anyways, then he told us that he also found dilated kidneys (where there's fluid in the kidneys) & darkened bowels (Just as it sounds, they were showing up darker colored then they should of) Which all 3 together, is an indicator of Downs. Even though I knew I would still love him regardless, this was heartbreaking news.
On the bright side, his heart looked PERFECT. Which is a very good sign!
The Peri strongly suggested that I get the triple screen blood test, that we had chosen to not get done when it was offered earlier in my pregnancy. He also gave us the option to get an Amniocentesis. That would tell us for sure if something was wrong with Bransyn, & exactly what it was. He informed us that with the amnio, there is around a 1/300 chance that a miscarriage could take place.
After the word miscarriage came out of his mouth, I knew right away that I would not be getting the amnio. It was just not worth the risk to me!
So I got the blood tests done. It took a LONG time to get those results back.
But when I did get them, I was able to relax a little more.
I was told that they were 'in normal limits'
Ha, I'm sure you're thinking exactly what I was.
WHAT THE HECK DOES THAT MEAN?!
She told me 'It means your good ;)'
So those did come back clear. But those aren't 100% accurate.
So I had to continue going into M&FM every few months to see if anything was changing.
Over time, the skin on his neck remained the same. Which was good, I guess. The fluid in his kidneys was decreasing, which was FANTASTIC. Even though it was just little bits. Bowels were still darkened.
The only way for us to know for sure, was to wait until birth.
21 weeks from the time we 'found out' until the time he was born.
That is a LONG time to wait for something like that.
Funny thing is, after waiting that long. . .I didn't think about it once while I was in labor.
I didn't think about it once when he was in my arms for the first time.
I wasn't looking for 'signs' of Down Syndrome.
I wasn't asking Dr. Lunt if he could tell or not.
I was so totally head-over-heals in love with my baby, I wasn't worried anymore.
All I cared about was that he was in safely in my arms, checking out his mommy & everything going on around him.
I knew he was perfect from the second I saw him, even before I knew that he does not have down syndrome or anything else they were worried about.
And I will always remember this one thing that one of my nurses said to me as she was checking him out, moments after his birth. Maybe she says it to all of the patients, but I do believe it is very true.
"You must have done something very right in your life, to get a baby this perfect"
Whether it's the outfit they came home from the hospital in, their little booties, hospital hat, just a favorite outfit, ect. You get the point, right?
I'll admit, I will be keeping a TON of Bransyn's baby things.
All of which I just mentioned above, & then some.
But there is one particular item that means more to me then any other.
This is it :
I love the little giraffes ;) I didn't choose this one just because it's cute.
It's not what he came home from the hospital in.
It's not the first thing that I ever bought for him.
It looks like just another pair of regular infant pj's, right?
Well, there's a story behind the reason I bought these.
The reason they means so much to me.
You might not even understand my reasoning, but I do.
It might not mean much to anyone else, but to me. . . it does.
(:
Here's the story :
June 26th, 2008.
I was just over 20 weeks pregnant with Bransyn. I was at my grandpa's house in Salt Lake, had just gotten there the night before after coming back from our family reunion in Idaho.
The day before, I went to BabiesRus to blow the rest of my birthday money on baby stuff. I had about $100 left over, so I was planning on going shopping again that day. As I was getting ready, I got a phone call.
It was my doctor's office.
They had called me to give the results of my '20 week ultra-sound' (even though I had it done at 18 weeks, 4 days) that I had done a week & a half before.
I didn't even know that you were supposed to get 'results' for an U/S.
Was she calling to tell me the gender of my child?! We already knew!
We were expecting a healthy baby boy!
What more was there to tell?
I honestly had NO idea what she was calling me for, or what kind of 'results' to expect.
The lady started to tell me something about the skin on the back of my sons neck being thicker then it should be.
OKAY. . .He has a fat neck! So what?
Then she proceeded to tell me that sometimes that can be an indicator of a Chromosomal Abnormality
Just the sound of the word Abnormality while talking about my son, made my heart sink lower then my feet & my whole body feel numb.
It was so hard to pay attention to everything else she was telling me.
But somehow I managed to hear a little bit more.
She told me that when this particular indicator is found, it usually points towards Down Syndrome, or one of the other Trisomies -- which some of those are fatal & most children born with them won't live longer than 12 months, or worst case scenario, long after birth.
That's all I remember from that phone call.
I know that I talked to her for a few more minutes. We even scheduled another appointment for a more detailed ultra sound & some blood work. But I don't remember it at all. After what she just told me. . . there was no way I could even comprehend what else she was telling me.
It felt like my heart was breaking into a million pieces.
Did someone SERIOUSLY just tell me that there was something wrong with MY child?!
That was the one & only time it literally felt like I was in a horrible nightmare & couldn't wait to wake up.
After I hung up the phone, it took me a minute to realize that what I had just heard was real.
I just started crying & ran upstairs to my mom & told her what I remembered.
She kept asking me questions & the only answer I could give her was 'I don't know!'
Because I didn't. The only thing I could remember, was her telling me there was something wrong with my baby.
So she called my dr's office back & talked to the lady that I had just gotten off the phone with & explained what was going on.
It seemed my mom was on the phone for an eternity, waiting to find out what we needed to do.
When she finally got off the phone. . . she explained to me that there was just a chance that there was a 'problem' with my baby.
That a lot of the time when something like that is found, it's nothing.
But they need to do some more testing to find out for sure.
She told me to not stress or worry about it, until we found out for sure.
Okay, if you're a mother, you will understand why I could not just brush this off.
Someone tells you there is a chance something is wrong with your baby, your not gonna push it to the back of your mind & not think about it.
It's gonna make you sick worrying about it.
I know she was just trying to make me feel better, but my own mom saying that to me?!
It's her very first grandchild, & she's not even a little bit concerned about this?!
(I know NOW that she was, but at the time I couldn't understand why she was telling me to not stress it.)
The whole time I was getting ready, I couldn't think about anything else.
I kept thinking 'How am I gonna tell Ryan? Do I call him now? Tell him via text? Or wait until we get home tonight & tell him in person?!'
Then I remembered that I was about to go shopping for our baby.
Should I still go shopping for a child that might not live very long?
I can't even explain the feeling I had after that thought.
I instantly felt horrible for even letting that thought come across my brain.
Then, somehow, I still felt the need to shop that day, for my unborn baby boy.
No matter what I just heard could be wrong with him.
So I had my mom take me to Target.
That's where I found those pajama's.
I thought they were SO cute, so I decided to get them.
So I grabbed a 6-9 month.
I didn't think anything about it at the time, but now I know why I got a bigger size, when I was obsessed with the teensy newborn sizes.
Even though I was so worried about what the outcome would be, deep down I just knew my son was going to be okay. Somehow, I knew that he would live to wear those bigger sizes.
I also knew that no matter what the results were, I would choose to not terminate my pregnancy. That was NEVER an option. I was going to give him any chance of life that God would allow.
If my son was diagnosed with Down Syndrome, there was no way I would love him any less than if he was a 'normal' child.
He was still my baby & I already loved him more then anything else in the world, no matter what.
He was still so perfect to me & I still felt so blessed to be his mommy.
Like I said before, this might not make sense to any one else that reads this.
This is the first thing I bought after finding out such devastating news.
It kinda tells how much faith I still had that my baby was gonna be okay.
And how much I loved him.
♥
THAT is why I will be keeping these specific pajama's.
(:
That's the end of the story behind the pj's. . .but obviously I have to finish the rest of the WHOLE story :
I went in for a more detailed U/S at a place called Maternal & Fetal Medicine & saw a Perinatologist
on July 1. I got the U/S & the Peri found the 'Thickened Nuchal Fold' (aka the thick neck skin) that was found in the first ultra sound. He said that it wasn't TOO extreme. . . but still enough to be concerned about. His skin was, I believe, just over 6mm & it's supposed to be only 4 or 5mm? I don't remember. But anyways, then he told us that he also found dilated kidneys (where there's fluid in the kidneys) & darkened bowels (Just as it sounds, they were showing up darker colored then they should of) Which all 3 together, is an indicator of Downs. Even though I knew I would still love him regardless, this was heartbreaking news.
On the bright side, his heart looked PERFECT. Which is a very good sign!
The Peri strongly suggested that I get the triple screen blood test, that we had chosen to not get done when it was offered earlier in my pregnancy. He also gave us the option to get an Amniocentesis. That would tell us for sure if something was wrong with Bransyn, & exactly what it was. He informed us that with the amnio, there is around a 1/300 chance that a miscarriage could take place.
After the word miscarriage came out of his mouth, I knew right away that I would not be getting the amnio. It was just not worth the risk to me!
So I got the blood tests done. It took a LONG time to get those results back.
But when I did get them, I was able to relax a little more.
I was told that they were 'in normal limits'
Ha, I'm sure you're thinking exactly what I was.
WHAT THE HECK DOES THAT MEAN?!
She told me 'It means your good ;)'
So those did come back clear. But those aren't 100% accurate.
So I had to continue going into M&FM every few months to see if anything was changing.
Over time, the skin on his neck remained the same. Which was good, I guess. The fluid in his kidneys was decreasing, which was FANTASTIC. Even though it was just little bits. Bowels were still darkened.
The only way for us to know for sure, was to wait until birth.
21 weeks from the time we 'found out' until the time he was born.
That is a LONG time to wait for something like that.
Funny thing is, after waiting that long. . .I didn't think about it once while I was in labor.
I didn't think about it once when he was in my arms for the first time.
I wasn't looking for 'signs' of Down Syndrome.
I wasn't asking Dr. Lunt if he could tell or not.
I was so totally head-over-heals in love with my baby, I wasn't worried anymore.
All I cared about was that he was in safely in my arms, checking out his mommy & everything going on around him.
I knew he was perfect from the second I saw him, even before I knew that he does not have down syndrome or anything else they were worried about.
And I will always remember this one thing that one of my nurses said to me as she was checking him out, moments after his birth. Maybe she says it to all of the patients, but I do believe it is very true.
"You must have done something very right in your life, to get a baby this perfect"
No comments:
Post a Comment